My Weekend In London...

...was very fun. I Was worried that the trains would be fecked because of the weather and they were, but not much for my journey. Felt peckish on the train so visited to the shop and got a chicken sandwich, cookies and a coke. Guess how much it was...I'll interrupt your shouting of prices at the screen by telling you it was £5.05. That, combined with the cashier continuously calling me sir meant it was like being bummed by a polite gentlemen. I gave him a fiver and 5p so the amount was exact and I'm pretty sure he came right on the spot. The prospect of not having to add up my change, hand it over and remember the pleasantries was just to much for him. In a flurry of excitement he proceeded to place a cup on my bottle, grace my hand with napkins and put it all in a bag. None of that was innuendo, I swear. Part way through the journey, this old man/woman (I legitimately couldn't tell) sat diagonally across from me and kept giving me right dirty looks in between knitting a fucking turquoise square. I can imagine her giving it to the family member or friend it was intended and they have to act all polite and when he/she isn't looking, they stash it to their child with the words "Quick! Run upstairs and put it on the pile with the other geometric shapes she's knitted!".

That night I went out to Notting Hill with Dot and some of her friends. It was fun but I don't see how they could have made a film about the area. Not very much going on. Also, £3.95 for Magners is just pushing the limit.

Saturday, I became a proper tourist. Me and Dot went around all of central London such as Trafalgar Square, Houses Of Parliament, Big Ben, South Bank and Oxford Street. It was great fun and Oxford Street is fair awesome. On South Bank we watched this black guy who was a break dancer. As Dot pointed out, he found three funny things he could do and stretched it out for 20 minutes. He ended by spinning on his head for about 20 revolutions though. As the crowd dispersed, who do I see but Rachael Davies and Yog! Random as fuck. Didn't know Yog was a trolley-dolly at Heathrow (I think) but I lied and told him I knew that already just to avoid any gay mentionings.

Old people getting angry are funny as well. On the bus going through Richmond, the bus stopped and people got off. As this old woman was just about to step off, the doors shut and pushed her back in. She shouted "OI!" to the driver who with a hint of a smile opened the doors again. There was also a slightly odd Japanese woman who just kinda stood and swayed in the middle of the bus and people had to go round her. Why she stood, I don't know because there was loads of seats.

The train journey back was less entertaining although I did get two seats to myself so it was sprawl-tastic. As I was stood by the door before it pulled into the Preston I witnessed this fat, drunk guy trying his best to get into the toilet. Somehow he failed to notice there was a button on the right that opens the door so using all of his...'cultivated' weight and power he forced open the door. When it was open wide enough to accommodate him he stepped in but the door slammed shut and pinned him to the wall. Anyway, he wriggled in. Two minutes later I see half a body emerge. 10 seconds later the rest of him did, but because he had put so much force into it he flew across the other side of the train and hit the wall. I had to stifle laughter because he started looking at me and shouted "ahhhhhhh fuckin' dog shittin' door is fuckin' bollocksed!" all in one drunken slur. In between my laughs I manage to say in a patronising voice, "is the door broke?" He ignored me and rolled a cig.

That's all I can be arsed writing about anyway.