I thought I would be nice and upload this awesome show for you.
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Monday, 29 January 2007
I Love It When A Plan Comes Together
Okay, this is going to be pretty quick as I have to go out in a few minutes.
Some of you may remember this blog from a couple of weeks ago. I talked about how all the Chinese kids love to leave their windows open so they can have a chat and a smoke with other Chinese kids. I also commended the accommodation people on their foresight for such interaction. However, it would appear that the Orientals have got their comeuppance (taken from the UCLan newspaper, 'Pluto'.)
I haven't seen any of them doing it so far, but I'll keep an eye out.
Some of you may remember this blog from a couple of weeks ago. I talked about how all the Chinese kids love to leave their windows open so they can have a chat and a smoke with other Chinese kids. I also commended the accommodation people on their foresight for such interaction. However, it would appear that the Orientals have got their comeuppance (taken from the UCLan newspaper, 'Pluto'.)
I haven't seen any of them doing it so far, but I'll keep an eye out.
Friday, 26 January 2007
I'm Not Helping Anyone Again
Basically, before Christmas we had a C++ assignment and this one Asian lad would not stop pestering me for "help". And I'm talking every day here. At first I didn't mind but soon it became to much. I tried ignoring him as best I could but he was oddly persistent. Anyway, I saw his mark today and he got a full 5 fucking marks higher than me, yet I did at least 70% of his work! The prick knows fucking nothing and is now acting all smarmy and git-like. I spent most of the day quite pissed off hoping he would spontaneously combust along with the rest of the annoying Asian contingent. Oli pointed out that one of them has huge eyelashes and therefore looks like a camel, which is very true.
For once, me saying what I want to happen worked. Was walking back to my flat the other day and saw this guy sprinting full stretch. I turn my head to the left and spot a bus. The guy has run over a good hundred yards so I start saying "Go bus! Go!". The guy reached the doors of the bus, just as the doors shut. The driver was obviously feeling particularly harsh because as he was banging on the doors (whilst the bus was still stopped) he just drove straight off, much to my amusement. The guy then had a quality pissed off walk.
For once, me saying what I want to happen worked. Was walking back to my flat the other day and saw this guy sprinting full stretch. I turn my head to the left and spot a bus. The guy has run over a good hundred yards so I start saying "Go bus! Go!". The guy reached the doors of the bus, just as the doors shut. The driver was obviously feeling particularly harsh because as he was banging on the doors (whilst the bus was still stopped) he just drove straight off, much to my amusement. The guy then had a quality pissed off walk.
Thursday, 25 January 2007
Tuesday, 23 January 2007
I Just Made An Error...
...by going for a nap at about 9PM. I woke up about 10.30PM quite refreshed which is quite the bitch as my body now thinks it's morning. I'm in for a shitty nights sleep now.
I actually only started this post to talk about that so there isn't much to add on. Two out of the three Asian lads who are always late to lessons are getting later. The other one was there before me today and basically stared me down for a good minute and I'm still not sure why. Perhaps he was waiting for me to call him a cunt...because he really is. I've never seen him smile and I'm doubting if he knows what a computer is. Sorry, I just really don't like him.
Right, I'm going to have to make myself tired somehow. If not, I may go outside and see if the Chinese kids congregate by the windows at night to smoke and talk. I imagine they do.
I actually only started this post to talk about that so there isn't much to add on. Two out of the three Asian lads who are always late to lessons are getting later. The other one was there before me today and basically stared me down for a good minute and I'm still not sure why. Perhaps he was waiting for me to call him a cunt...because he really is. I've never seen him smile and I'm doubting if he knows what a computer is. Sorry, I just really don't like him.
Right, I'm going to have to make myself tired somehow. If not, I may go outside and see if the Chinese kids congregate by the windows at night to smoke and talk. I imagine they do.
Sunday, 21 January 2007
My Weekend In London...
...was very fun. I Was worried that the trains would be fecked because of the weather and they were, but not much for my journey. Felt peckish on the train so visited to the shop and got a chicken sandwich, cookies and a coke. Guess how much it was...I'll interrupt your shouting of prices at the screen by telling you it was £5.05. That, combined with the cashier continuously calling me sir meant it was like being bummed by a polite gentlemen. I gave him a fiver and 5p so the amount was exact and I'm pretty sure he came right on the spot. The prospect of not having to add up my change, hand it over and remember the pleasantries was just to much for him. In a flurry of excitement he proceeded to place a cup on my bottle, grace my hand with napkins and put it all in a bag. None of that was innuendo, I swear. Part way through the journey, this old man/woman (I legitimately couldn't tell) sat diagonally across from me and kept giving me right dirty looks in between knitting a fucking turquoise square. I can imagine her giving it to the family member or friend it was intended and they have to act all polite and when he/she isn't looking, they stash it to their child with the words "Quick! Run upstairs and put it on the pile with the other geometric shapes she's knitted!".
That night I went out to Notting Hill with Dot and some of her friends. It was fun but I don't see how they could have made a film about the area. Not very much going on. Also, £3.95 for Magners is just pushing the limit.
Saturday, I became a proper tourist. Me and Dot went around all of central London such as Trafalgar Square, Houses Of Parliament, Big Ben, South Bank and Oxford Street. It was great fun and Oxford Street is fair awesome. On South Bank we watched this black guy who was a break dancer. As Dot pointed out, he found three funny things he could do and stretched it out for 20 minutes. He ended by spinning on his head for about 20 revolutions though. As the crowd dispersed, who do I see but Rachael Davies and Yog! Random as fuck. Didn't know Yog was a trolley-dolly at Heathrow (I think) but I lied and told him I knew that already just to avoid any gay mentionings.
Old people getting angry are funny as well. On the bus going through Richmond, the bus stopped and people got off. As this old woman was just about to step off, the doors shut and pushed her back in. She shouted "OI!" to the driver who with a hint of a smile opened the doors again. There was also a slightly odd Japanese woman who just kinda stood and swayed in the middle of the bus and people had to go round her. Why she stood, I don't know because there was loads of seats.
The train journey back was less entertaining although I did get two seats to myself so it was sprawl-tastic. As I was stood by the door before it pulled into the Preston I witnessed this fat, drunk guy trying his best to get into the toilet. Somehow he failed to notice there was a button on the right that opens the door so using all of his...'cultivated' weight and power he forced open the door. When it was open wide enough to accommodate him he stepped in but the door slammed shut and pinned him to the wall. Anyway, he wriggled in. Two minutes later I see half a body emerge. 10 seconds later the rest of him did, but because he had put so much force into it he flew across the other side of the train and hit the wall. I had to stifle laughter because he started looking at me and shouted "ahhhhhhh fuckin' dog shittin' door is fuckin' bollocksed!" all in one drunken slur. In between my laughs I manage to say in a patronising voice, "is the door broke?" He ignored me and rolled a cig.
That's all I can be arsed writing about anyway.
That night I went out to Notting Hill with Dot and some of her friends. It was fun but I don't see how they could have made a film about the area. Not very much going on. Also, £3.95 for Magners is just pushing the limit.
Saturday, I became a proper tourist. Me and Dot went around all of central London such as Trafalgar Square, Houses Of Parliament, Big Ben, South Bank and Oxford Street. It was great fun and Oxford Street is fair awesome. On South Bank we watched this black guy who was a break dancer. As Dot pointed out, he found three funny things he could do and stretched it out for 20 minutes. He ended by spinning on his head for about 20 revolutions though. As the crowd dispersed, who do I see but Rachael Davies and Yog! Random as fuck. Didn't know Yog was a trolley-dolly at Heathrow (I think) but I lied and told him I knew that already just to avoid any gay mentionings.
Old people getting angry are funny as well. On the bus going through Richmond, the bus stopped and people got off. As this old woman was just about to step off, the doors shut and pushed her back in. She shouted "OI!" to the driver who with a hint of a smile opened the doors again. There was also a slightly odd Japanese woman who just kinda stood and swayed in the middle of the bus and people had to go round her. Why she stood, I don't know because there was loads of seats.
The train journey back was less entertaining although I did get two seats to myself so it was sprawl-tastic. As I was stood by the door before it pulled into the Preston I witnessed this fat, drunk guy trying his best to get into the toilet. Somehow he failed to notice there was a button on the right that opens the door so using all of his...'cultivated' weight and power he forced open the door. When it was open wide enough to accommodate him he stepped in but the door slammed shut and pinned him to the wall. Anyway, he wriggled in. Two minutes later I see half a body emerge. 10 seconds later the rest of him did, but because he had put so much force into it he flew across the other side of the train and hit the wall. I had to stifle laughter because he started looking at me and shouted "ahhhhhhh fuckin' dog shittin' door is fuckin' bollocksed!" all in one drunken slur. In between my laughs I manage to say in a patronising voice, "is the door broke?" He ignored me and rolled a cig.
That's all I can be arsed writing about anyway.
Friday, 19 January 2007
Thursday, 18 January 2007
*Paddy's Corner*
So here we have another installment of the so called “Paddy’s Corner” as there has been a lot of “blog-fodder” happening recently. Went to see Smokin’ Aces on Monday after a Chinese buffet where the food was amazing but the drinks were severely over priced. But I guess that’s where they get you. Anywho, Smokin’ Aces was extremely good, pure violence, guns and Vegas, what more could you want?! Just watch that you don’t fall down the enormous plot holes….The bank is also pissing me around at the mo, my card expired recently to the great amusement of the guy at the next cashier when I went to find out why I couldn’t withdraw any money. So the cashier says we’ll order you a new one but it will take a week to arrive. If you want to take any money out in the mean time you’ll need to bring all your details, your account number, a bank receipt, a form of id, a unicorns horn and a fresh middle-east camels tooth….and you’ll need to come in between our ridiculously short opening hours….Any thing else I could help you with?... you could point me in the general direction of a decent bank maybe?....Anywho, I goes back a week later as requested and the lady then cocks about for another 15 mins getting me to sign loads of forms, I have probably signed to give her son a kidney or summit, then she “activated” the card. Then as I was leaving she said very casually, oh where would you like your pin number sent…eh? My pin numbers changed and this is the first your telling me of it….erm I would like it sent here please? Ok then, that will be here in three days….great I have a card and fuck all to do with it until Saturday…. (except chop up cocaine with it but unfortunately I don’t do drugs) so until Saturday I still have to go to the bank to withdraw any money which is a pain in the arse. Natwest Shat-west!
…..sorry, it was the best I could do. Anyway, this is getting long again so I will leave you with these two short stories. First, as I was queuing to get on the bus outside uni today (whilst angry old people in sports cars drove past) I was stood behind the girl who works in the gym reception. I assumed the bizarre odour in the gym entrance was just sweat and cleaning products. However, I am starting to think that it is this girls perfume because she smelt very strongly of this rather peculiar scent. You live, you learn. Secondly, a lad on this very same bus was picking up money from under his seat and commenting to the girl behind who was helping “yeh, I have a hole in my wallet so my money often falls out, I should really buy another one but well, ya know…” and trailed off. I personally think the perfect sentence for him to say was “yeh, I have a hole in my wallet so my money often falls out, I should really buy another one but well, I never seem to have any money” comic genius I’m sure you’ll agree.
Until the next time
Paddy: over and out
Wednesday, 17 January 2007
A Small Update
Small because nothing has happened since the last update. Today, being my day off and everything, I was thoroughly productive...it's a shame sarcasm doesn't convey well over the internet.
I've still not figured out why they are keeping all the Chinese kids at my uni on the ground floor for accommodation. I'm not sure if they fear stairs, height or handrails but there are no Orientals on any other floors. You can often see groups of them talking through the windows to each other whilst one of them has a cigarette outside. Perhaps the accommodation people predicted this kind of interaction and took action before there were complaints. Kudos if they did.
I've made my own Dailymotion account now so providing I can get the episodes of Scrubs, there should be no issues of the episodes being down for long. I've put episode 5 of season 6 up there and in 24 hours has had over 1000 viewings which is pretty cool. Episode 4 is on there as well but it's being a bitch about being published so it can't be searched for yet.
I also intend to find a way of sharing some of the Ricky Gervais Podcasts. I doubt I will bother though.
I'll leave you with a picture from Websponge.
I've still not figured out why they are keeping all the Chinese kids at my uni on the ground floor for accommodation. I'm not sure if they fear stairs, height or handrails but there are no Orientals on any other floors. You can often see groups of them talking through the windows to each other whilst one of them has a cigarette outside. Perhaps the accommodation people predicted this kind of interaction and took action before there were complaints. Kudos if they did.
I've made my own Dailymotion account now so providing I can get the episodes of Scrubs, there should be no issues of the episodes being down for long. I've put episode 5 of season 6 up there and in 24 hours has had over 1000 viewings which is pretty cool. Episode 4 is on there as well but it's being a bitch about being published so it can't be searched for yet.
I also intend to find a way of sharing some of the Ricky Gervais Podcasts. I doubt I will bother though.
I'll leave you with a picture from Websponge.
Monday, 15 January 2007
What A Shit Fucking Day
Know how sometimes you get them days were nothing goes right and everything just pisses you off? Well, today was one of them days.
It started off shite. Not knowing that the timetable had been changed, I got up at 8.30 AM. Turns out that the lesson was moved to 5PM. Combine that with the tutorial that was cancelled and I could have had another two hours in bed. I decide then, to go and get the 'breakfast barm' that I'd had a few weeks earlier. Got said sandwich no problem, however getting back to my flat before it went cold was another matter. Somehow every single vehicle and workman had joined forces and collaborated to prevent me from getting home. I tried to cross the road but had to wait about a minute before risking my life by running out in front of a car just to have a chance of making it. Decide on my route, cross the road and walk up the steps to Victoria path to see 7 fucking foot tall metal fences that had been erected by workmen, blocking all access (cunningly placed next to trees and bushes may I add). I turn around, cursing the hard-hatted twats and walk back down the road to walk through the student union. This added another 2 minutes to my journey. Reach another road and because some daft bint had stopped on double yellow lines for apparently no reason whatsoever, it created a mini chicane in the road thus stopping me from crossing for ages because of all the cars. By this time, my sandwich was colder than a penguins bollocks. I eventually got back in to my flat and had about half the barm, mainly out of spite.
Felt pretty sick after this, so last laugh went to them I guess.
Maths lecture was fucking boring as usual.
The same pretty much goes for the Systems Analysis & Design tutorial as well. I couldn't help but laugh when the blind women started kicking off because people were talking. I don't know if it was disrupting her mental image of the room or something but it is only her who complains about talking. You'd think she would set the dog on them.
Now for the real annoying twist of the balls. Got a phone call off dad saying his car got robbed last night. Three little bastards came into the house and got his car keys off the window ledge when he was out back. He heard something and came running out to see the car already pointing down the street. He grabbed the door and they sped off, throwing him across the road (he's Okay, just a bit bruised and things fortunately). Police haven't found anything yet so I'm not sure what's happening. Little cunts.
To top off this already piles inducing day, we ordered from Pizza Hut. However, they somehow managed to send me the wrong pizza and rob me out of £2. How difficult can it be? Very, apparently if you're a part of the Preston minimum wage with no education club.
And right now I need another shit so I'll have to go now.
It started off shite. Not knowing that the timetable had been changed, I got up at 8.30 AM. Turns out that the lesson was moved to 5PM. Combine that with the tutorial that was cancelled and I could have had another two hours in bed. I decide then, to go and get the 'breakfast barm' that I'd had a few weeks earlier. Got said sandwich no problem, however getting back to my flat before it went cold was another matter. Somehow every single vehicle and workman had joined forces and collaborated to prevent me from getting home. I tried to cross the road but had to wait about a minute before risking my life by running out in front of a car just to have a chance of making it. Decide on my route, cross the road and walk up the steps to Victoria path to see 7 fucking foot tall metal fences that had been erected by workmen, blocking all access (cunningly placed next to trees and bushes may I add). I turn around, cursing the hard-hatted twats and walk back down the road to walk through the student union. This added another 2 minutes to my journey. Reach another road and because some daft bint had stopped on double yellow lines for apparently no reason whatsoever, it created a mini chicane in the road thus stopping me from crossing for ages because of all the cars. By this time, my sandwich was colder than a penguins bollocks. I eventually got back in to my flat and had about half the barm, mainly out of spite.
Felt pretty sick after this, so last laugh went to them I guess.
Maths lecture was fucking boring as usual.
The same pretty much goes for the Systems Analysis & Design tutorial as well. I couldn't help but laugh when the blind women started kicking off because people were talking. I don't know if it was disrupting her mental image of the room or something but it is only her who complains about talking. You'd think she would set the dog on them.
Now for the real annoying twist of the balls. Got a phone call off dad saying his car got robbed last night. Three little bastards came into the house and got his car keys off the window ledge when he was out back. He heard something and came running out to see the car already pointing down the street. He grabbed the door and they sped off, throwing him across the road (he's Okay, just a bit bruised and things fortunately). Police haven't found anything yet so I'm not sure what's happening. Little cunts.
To top off this already piles inducing day, we ordered from Pizza Hut. However, they somehow managed to send me the wrong pizza and rob me out of £2. How difficult can it be? Very, apparently if you're a part of the Preston minimum wage with no education club.
And right now I need another shit so I'll have to go now.
Saturday, 13 January 2007
IM SOFA KING WE TODD DID
Say it slowly if you don't get it.
As you may have noticed, this blog has a new guest contributer in the form of Paddy. I hope you enjoy his contributions, I know I do. But then of course I know that.
This has possibly been the most boring and suicide simulating week I've had to live through so far. Everyone is back at uni and I can't go back myself because there is no one else there so I will be just as a bored and would have to cook for myself.
Bought a Jimmy Carr DVD which absolutely brilliant. I used to hate him but I've grown to love the sarcastic bastard. Here's a clip about him calling Anthony Kiedis a 'cunt' at an awards ceremony.
Went to Tesco in St Helens last night and walked past a gang of nerd chavs. They had the attire of a scally but the glasses of the classic geek. It's what I imagine the love child of Chantelle from Big Brother and Steven Hawking would look like. The bad thing for him is that he would have absolutely no say because he can't outrun (so to speak) anyone...unless he's on a slope, but then I guess he'd have worse issues to worry about.
As you may have noticed, this blog has a new guest contributer in the form of Paddy. I hope you enjoy his contributions, I know I do. But then of course I know that.
This has possibly been the most boring and suicide simulating week I've had to live through so far. Everyone is back at uni and I can't go back myself because there is no one else there so I will be just as a bored and would have to cook for myself.
Bought a Jimmy Carr DVD which absolutely brilliant. I used to hate him but I've grown to love the sarcastic bastard. Here's a clip about him calling Anthony Kiedis a 'cunt' at an awards ceremony.
Went to Tesco in St Helens last night and walked past a gang of nerd chavs. They had the attire of a scally but the glasses of the classic geek. It's what I imagine the love child of Chantelle from Big Brother and Steven Hawking would look like. The bad thing for him is that he would have absolutely no say because he can't outrun (so to speak) anyone...unless he's on a slope, but then I guess he'd have worse issues to worry about.
Thursday, 11 January 2007
*Paddy's Corner*
Hello blog readers, I am paddy. Yes, I shook a stump. Yes, I can’t pee next to a lumberjack. But I am here on much more serious business today. Paul has been kind enough to offer up some blog space for me to have a good ol’ rant about certain things which have been annoying me recently. So here goes…
This is going on quite a while just about old people in nice cars so I will speed things up. I watched a children’s drama today, aimed at those teachers who don’t give a fuck so they just let the kids watch the wank that is put on channel 4 at eleven o clock in the morning. Anyhow, a kid was explaining how he was late for some event or other because he had to walk from his house. The reason for this is that every time he got the bus he had been bullied by “some Indian lads” calling him racist names. I should probably explain at this point that the kid in question is black and that this is, I am sure, an awful experience for him.(Not being black, being bullied….of course) However, my main concern is that, do these “Indian lads” permanently ride the bus 24/7 just on the off-chance they get to be racist? He said every time he gets the bus they abuse him, why are they on the bus all the time? Are they driving it? How many “Indian lads” does it take to drive a bus?!(No this isn’t some shitty joke).And while we are on the subject, Indian guys sure like to crowd pool tables. It annoys me no end.
Monday, 8 January 2007
Fuck Me, Chinese Kids Are Fast At Maths
It's true, they are! He was about 2 pages ahead of me in the exam for most of the way. Caught up to him at the end though. I'm not totally sure if he was aware I was racing him, but there we go.
I have to walk to the train station in a bit and it's bloody raining...well, spitting/drizzle. I haven't wrote anything for a while so I should have a lot to say, but that's were you are wrong I'm afraid. As you can see, I have already resorted to talking about the weather on just my second paragraph.
I'm contemplating having a shit before I leave but I think I might just bake it for a while and have a totally fulfilling one when I get back home. The risk, of course is that I may have to go whilst on the train, miss my stop, end up in Plymouth...and die. Or something.
I shall leave you with my most skillfully taking picture ever. Taken on New Years Eve, I manage to throw a chunk of cake at Paddy, hit him in the face with it and take the picture at the same time. Here we see the split second before it hits.
I have to walk to the train station in a bit and it's bloody raining...well, spitting/drizzle. I haven't wrote anything for a while so I should have a lot to say, but that's were you are wrong I'm afraid. As you can see, I have already resorted to talking about the weather on just my second paragraph.
I'm contemplating having a shit before I leave but I think I might just bake it for a while and have a totally fulfilling one when I get back home. The risk, of course is that I may have to go whilst on the train, miss my stop, end up in Plymouth...and die. Or something.
I shall leave you with my most skillfully taking picture ever. Taken on New Years Eve, I manage to throw a chunk of cake at Paddy, hit him in the face with it and take the picture at the same time. Here we see the split second before it hits.
Peace.
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