How Cool

I'm Old Greeeeeeeggggggg

Where Do African Kids Get Their Heads Shaved?

Long time, no blog. The reason being that not much has happened. It's been fun meeting up with everyone who's come home from uni again though.

Went to the quiz last night. We didn't win of course but we came a respectable 4th(ish) so quite happy with that really. Went to the Trafford Center tonight. Busy.As.Fuck. Good though. Awkward moment in Selfridges. Went in with Paddy to buy a drink. Walk past a load of black Santa Clause biscuits and the following happening:

Me: *pointing at biscuits* "Since when is Santa Clause fucking black?!"
Paddy: "Duuuuuuuuuude! *points at black man behind the counter now looking at me*
Me: Shit!
Paddy: Still getting a drink?
Me: *already walking out quickly* nope...

See ya.

Scrubs - Series 6 - Episode 3

FireFox Start Up Tip

Robbed from here.

Basically, you can set FireFox up so that it opens multiple tabs when you start it up.

Go tools, options and under the main tab in the home page box, type the URL's of the pages you want, but seperated by a '|'. eg. http://www.google.co.uk|http://www.bbc.co.uk

Quite useful.

Scrubs - Series 06 - Episode 02

Scrubs - Series 06 - Episode 01

Unfortunately DailyMotion have removed this but I'll try and get a new one uploaded.

Just A Quick Picture...

...too confirm mine and Paddy's theory about not being able to see a black person in a darkish place unless they smile.

Damn The Immigrants

A risque title, I know, but that's how I feel right now. Actually, I feel I should be a bit more specific here; damn the immigrants who can't speak in English that I can understand. That should narrow it down to about...well, most of them.

My qualm is that I can't follow what they say, both because it's too pigeon-like and because it's spoken to quick. These people make so much extra money off me because I don't have a clue what they're offering!

Take today in Burger King for example. I ask for the Angus burger (very, very nice by the way), Mr Cashier from some distant land speaks something in what may as well have been Morse code and I end up spending a quid more on bacon and cheese which I didn't particularly want. The problem is, if I ask them to repeat it they don't speak any slower, they just get annoyed quicker. And I don't want to risk saying 'no' in case he said something like, 'Would you like me to spare your life?'. So I have to say 'yes'. One day it's going to backfire, I just know it. Taxi drivers are the worst though. I have to guess which one of the sentences he says is 'Where would you like to go?'. Chances are I've responded to statements like 'I've had to sell 19 of my children' or 'My dog ate one of my many wives' with 'Whitendale hall please mate'. They then probably don't think I give a fuck. Which is true, actually.

Came back from London about 4 hours ago. Trains fucked up again so I was delayed. Not happy. But it was well worth it to see Dot for the weekend so all is good in that respect. It's also nearly Christmas! *woos and yays*.

Anyway, I'm a bit too tired to continue writing so I'll leave you with two pictures.

Here we see London's effective advertising methods.

And this be the giant toilet that appeared in Harrington building one day.

Karaoke

It's catnip for drunk people. Look at her go.


Websters defines it as:

Karaoke

Noun

1. Singing popular songs accompanied by a recording of an orchestra (usually in bars or nightclubs).

I define it as:

Karaoke

Noun

1. A form of torture outlawed in the American constitution by the line forbidding 'cruel and unusual punishment'
2. An advantage to being deaf

See also: Suicide

But really, what is the point in it? All it does is anger anybody in the vicinity who is actually capable of walking, communicating or generally making sense. And those who can't walk, communicate or talk in a sensical fashion are usually the ones who end up singing. If I'm out, I don't want to hear some cloth-eared bint screeching along with Shania Twain three verses out of time.

What would make it more interesting however is if you could shoot at them and they have to dodge whilst singing. It would be like them duck hunt games at the fair but you actually have a reason for shooting. Fantastic.

I've been attacked

Oh yes, I have. And in the middle of the night as well. But it wasn't by a person or animal. Oh no, it was by this devious fiend:

Yeah, basically I got hit on the head by a bottle of shampoo whilst dozily trying to get my watch off the shelf. It bloody hurt though I tell thee.

Went to see Casino Royale last night and I must say, it was very good. Admittedly, I've not seen the original so I can't compare, but still, rather enthralling. Daniel Craig definitely makes a good Bond and I hope he's in the next ones. Not enough gadgets though.

And what am I doing now? Having a Magners of course.

Quite possibly one of the best drinks in the world. I really should be doing some work (especially my assignment) but I fancy a relax. Our group surprisingly came fourth in the project week competition. Apparently we won pride, but I'd have preferred money. Should be going to London as well this time next week to see my wonderful Dot :)

Anyway, yes, until next time.

This Isn't The Blog I Wanted To Write

Nope. It isn't. But yours truly was to lazy to do any research on the subject that he was supposed to and so no blog will be written for it tonight...probably.

Well, today was my day off. Stayed in bed until 1 in the afternoon which is always nice. It was then that I realised that we had absolutely no food so went to the shop. What was I greeted by? A man dressed as a giant condom, that's what. I was tempted to hurl some sort of abuse but realised he had protection. Sorry, had to say that. But really, how far do you have to sink in life before you're dressing up as a todger lodger? Quite, appears to be the answer.

As for the rest of my day...it was shite. Saw a rather solemn looking Chinese lad, just walking around with his head down - all sour and no sweet to be honest.

Blog #3 - So Far So Good

Today has been pretty useless. Woke up at 9.30 for a tutorial and a lecture and after that...well, I destroyed GLA forces with China on Command & Conquer. A regular past time, I'm sure. For some reason I am feeling really tired. Good job I have the day off tomorrow. Also, no one bothered cooking tonight so I have been eating Weetabix and yogurt all night. Yum.


Right, I need to pad this blog out a bit, so I'm going to post two news stories I found amusing.

Now, this first one is only funny because I find the irony amusing. Obviously the guy deserves all he's got and is going to get, but still...

BURGLAR FINDS KIDDY PORN, CALLS COPS
Monday, November 27, 2006 - FreeMarketNews.com

An Alberta man is now in jail allegedly for child pornography, thanks to the burglar who was robbing his home, according to a Canadian Press story reported in the Halifax Chronicle-Herald. Among other things, the thief stole a video camera containing "child pornography images," which he left outside a local church and then called an anonymous tip into the police.

Upon retrieving the camera, police discovered the burglar had videotaped his victim's computer monitor, which displayed "images of child pornography," with the camera. A note with the camera listed the address, and police raided the house and seized computer equipment containing a reported 13,315 pornographic images.

The arrested man, one William Mitchell of Red Deer, Alberta, is now in jail until his sentencing on Dec. 1. The burglary remains unsolved.

The second one is only amusing because I don't know anyone involved and have funny mental images.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- A 92-year-old woman was shot to death Tuesday after she fired at three narcotics officers trying to serve a warrant at her house, officials said.

Neighbors and relatives said it must have been a case of mistaken identity. Police said they had the right address.

Police said the woman, identified as Kathryn Johnson, was the only person home at the time, and had lived there for about 17 years.

As the plainclothes Atlanta police officers approached the house about 7 p.m., a woman inside started shooting, striking each of them, said Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman.

Assistant Chief Alan Dreher said the officers had a legal warrant and "knocked and announced" before they forced open the door. He said they were justified in returning fire when they were fired upon.

One was hit in the arm, another in a thigh and the third in a shoulder. The officers were taken to a hospital for treatment, and all three were conscious and alert, police said.

Sarah Dozier, identified as a niece of the woman, told WAGA-TV that there were never any drugs at the house.

"My aunt was in good health. I'm sure she panicked when they kicked that door down," Dozier said. "There was no reason they had to go in there and shoot her down like a dog."

Now let's see. Three, plain clothed men are walking up to her house and she spots them. The 92 year old bint's mind must have been racing from all the crack she's been smoking. Are they burglers? Murderers? Or worse, door to door salesmen?

Having to think fast, she did the only thing a drugged up, American OAP can do in a situation like that - she fucking shoots them. Not only that, but she hits all three of them.They of course gun her down and she dies.

Now as sad as all that is, how can Sarah Dozier argue against her being shot at if she instigated the firing? If she didn't have drugs in her house she surely wouldn't have been so eager to fire, especially at police who "knocked and announced".

Bloody yanks.

Anyway, mini rant of the day is out of the way so I shall leave you with some bloopers from Scrubs.



Enjoy :)

Now Onto The Proper Posting

The last post was just a test.

You passed...barely.
Know what you got?
F+
CLICK.

But yes, finally watched V For Vendetta last night. Absolutely amazing, I must say. Wanted to see for it for a while but just never got around to it. Glad I didn't put it off any longer. Hugo Weaving is just fantastic and Ms Portman plays another great roll.

---

The other film that I've seen recently is Tenacious D: The Pick Of Destiny.

After hearing the album before I saw the film, I was apprehensive. It's not that it's bad as such, just not what I hoped for. My worries were soon dismissed though and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Recommended also.

Anywho, that's all I can be bothered writing for tonight.

Peace.

Wellity Wellity Wellity

I wasn't going to get one of these, having a website already and all. However, the Nazi regime of UCLan Technicians and they're FTP blocking...erm...thing, has led me to do this as I can't update my site from uni.

If you're reading this, you have no life. Or, you stalk me. Or, you're someone who I told to read this on penalty of death. I never specify whose death as you'll take preventative measures to foil me rather than read my inane drivel. So then you're left with the burden of someones death over yourself just because you couldn't be arsed to read.

Feel guilty?

Thought so.

I shall see if I can keep this updated regularly but if not, just poke me to do so.

Paul.